I’m finding it difficult to accurately judge inner honesty.
My current understanding of decision-making is roughly as follows: we make decisions based on various factors such as emotions and body sensations. After we make a decision, we make sense of our decision in the way that most coherently fits into the rest of our beliefs.
This being the case, it seems like any rationalization of our decision will ring true to us. The sense making we make up will make sense to us. And it will feel like we’re being honest with ourselves about our decision.
In Relating Between The Lines, we’re currently practicing two communication tools. These tools both have components that deal with emotions.
For the greater part of a week, I wasn’t practicing these tools. Many of my conversations seemed to be mostly fact-oriented, and thus I didn’t see the emotional component necessary to practice these tools.
It wasn’t until later in the week that I realized what had happened.
My brain decided not to practice the tools because doing so seemed scary and made me feel uncomfortable. I rationalized that I couldn’t use the tools because it wasn’t the right place or time–the emotional component was missing.
I didn’t see that people often talk about facts because they’re emotionally meaningful.
I didn’t see that practicing the tools didn’t require perfect execution–I could omit the emotional component and practice the rest.
I didn’t see that I wasn’t being honest with myself about why I wasn’t practicing the tools. But for quite some time, I thought I was.