Now

I opened myself for the first time to the tender indifference of the world. To feel it so like me, so like a brother, in fact, I understood that I had been happy, and I was still happy. So that it might be finished, so that I might feel less alone, I could only hope there would be many, many spectators on the day of my execution and that they would greet me with cries of hatred.

“The Stranger” by Albert Camus

I’m planning on making two blog posts a week that each have a quote from a book I’ve read. I’m intending these quotes to be chosen based on something I’ve been reflecting on, or on something I think is important for me to be reminded of.

I’ve been feeling really overwhelmed recently. As I mentioned in my previous post, there’s a lot going on for me right now. I’ve been feeling very ungrounded and out of control with everything.

In recent conversations with friends, I’ve realized that I’ve become totally disconnected from the present moment. Right now, I am safe. Despite everything that’s going on, like Meursault, perhaps I could even be happy in this moment.

But my mind keeps going back to things I need to do in the future. I keep worrying about the future consequences of making a bad decision regarding where I choose to live. I feel like I have to sacrifice my time and health to take care of things at work.

But I can choose something else.

I can choose to focus on what I am choosing to do right now. I can remind myself that I can’t control or predict the future. I can remind myself that the only person who controls my time is myself, and that I need to be responsible for my own health.

I can remind myself about the absurdity of my thoughts. I can remind myself when I’m dwelling on the past or anticipating the future. I can slow myself down the stay present.

Because right now, I am safe.

2 thoughts on “Now

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