Ironically, the virtue of type 5s by the Enneagram is supposed to be non-attachment. This is just a reminder I’ve got a lot of progress to make towards being a healthy type 5.
Something I’ve been starting to examine this week is the impact of some of my attachments have on me and the people in my life.
One thing I’ve realized is that I’m attached to the idea that a relationship without communication is a broken relationship.
Alex and I were at dinner last night and it was silent. My thoughts started to go in the direction of this is happening again, we never have anything to talk about, this relationship won’t last because we’re not able to communicate–all because of my attachment to this idea about what a relationship is supposed to look like.
As a result of this attachment and the thoughts that flow from it, I felt depressed and shut down. This further contributed to the silence because I wasn’t willing to further any possible discussion. Alex had to deal with my mood swings, which led to him thinking that our relationship was falling apart and blaming himself for how I was acting. This attachment leads me to think that there’s something wrong with our relationship whenever we have moments of silence, and my catastrophizing (apparently this isn’t really a word?) leads me to consider breaking up. This leads to Alex and I being constantly on edge in our relationship because it feels like we could break up at any time–all it takes is for someone to not be in the mood to talk one meal.
Anyhow, I don’t know how to lose the attachment. Hopefully if I can start to recognize it faster and see the impact it’s having on me and others in my life, it will easier for me to at least choose to behave in a way that doesn’t serve the attachment.