Ego

I don’t know if it would be more accurate to call it a conversation or to say that I’ve simply been observing, but this week I’ve had some interesting interactions with my ego.

I understand that my opinions are just that–opinions. And I understand that my opinions and my beliefs can be wrong. But I don’t act or think with that humility.

I think this week might be the first time I’ve become aware of this dichotomy. I really thought that I had my ego in better check than I actually do. But now I’m starting to see this pattern where I operate from a place that I assume I’m right and that I know best. And I’m starting to realize how ubiquitous this pattern is in my life.

On top of this, I’ve started to become present to the impact this is having on my life.

I struggle to be curious in conversations because I come from a place where I already know so there’s no need to learn. People probably struggle to speak to me because they feel like I enter conversations coming from this place where I seem like I already know everything. And I’m suspicious a lot of my constant anxiety comes from flashes of reality that don’t match up with something I know to be true.

I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with my ego now that I’m starting to become better acquainted with it. I’m curious if I just need to check in with myself more regularly to ask myself something along the lines of “Do I really know this to be true? Can I really know this to be true? How can I really know this to be true?” This seems like another thing that will be difficult to be present to in each passing moment. But maybe I just need to practice.

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